LOVE IS POISON

I just had this moment when I thought "fuck, I have a degree". Which is weird since I don't feel any different. It's kind of like turning 18, everyone makes a big deal out of it and I get flowers and money from the relatives, which is always nice, but in the end life goes on as usual.
Except, uh, I graduated and I have nothing to do until October. I miiight possibly maybe perhaps try to do something productive with my life, like an internship or something, but right now I just want to sleep or Tumblr. Though I probably ought to spend the next few days writing since there's 3-4 stories that I've been sitting on for months waiting for this moment. Yeah, later.

Everything went well, though. I mean, reasonably well. I was nervous as hell on Tuesday morning, like everyone else, especially since I had 20 minutes and I'd only timed myself twice and my presentation was like 25 minutes. And I was worried about falling off my heels. And somehow my computer was the only one available and I was afraid it was going to fail or something and everyone would blame me. At least I remembered to change the desktop background from Kurt and Blaine kissing to the Tardis. And my thesis advisor showed up only for my presentation. Actually he arrived earlier, realized it wasn't my turn yet due to a change in schedule, and disappeared for another 30 minutes. And I was so jumpy that I didn't notice that the woman before me had finished and it was my turn, so when they called me I had to put my cardigan on in a rush and stumbled inside and I blanked for the longest time. Oh, and at one point I hit the wrong button and accidentally skipped to the last slide. It was very similar to the slide I was at, so I didn't realize what happened until I said I was going to compare product formulas and then looked at the screen and went "ohshit those are not product formulas, oh lordy, what happened, go back, go back!"

But I did get full marks, which I wasn't even hoping for, so in the end I graduated with 104/110. Not bad, self. Maybe my advisor never told me to change anything because I was doing great work, and not because he was being lazy. I think I'll go with that. So I felt entitled to get drunk last night. Me and some other coursemates went out and they tried to get us newly-graduated drunk, but I managed to retain enough brain cells to stop drinking after a while so I wouldn't be sick. Also I made a life-saving decision when I wore my trainers instead of heels last night, because I ended up clinging to various people for support while walking from bar to bar. Also found out that my friend's roommate watches Vampire Diaries and ships Damon/Elena. At the time I found this hilarious and I texted it to my sister. It was almost 2am. She replied at 2pm so I thought maybe she hadn't noticed the timestamp, but she did. She brought it up at dinner. I kind of want to throttle her, but she's cute. There's a photo dad took outside the math building with me and her fixing our hair to prepare for a photo while my brother rolls his eyes. There's lots and lots of photos. In some of them I almost don't look fugly.

Also I got a mug blackboard. Or blackboard mug. It's... uh... a mug... with a purple rectangle all around that's actually a mini-blackboard... and you can write on it... in chalk... it's kind of awesome, in the grand tradition of giving stupid gifts to people who graduate. It's like two of my favourite things together.
And people want to organize a class dinner next week, but it'd be on Tuesday and that's when the Glee hiatus ends, so I'm trying to assess my priorities. I mean, prom night! End of hiatus! FFFFF.
Now I think I'll stop rambling and go to bed. Or since I'm already sprawled on the bed, turn off the laptop and sleep. I'd reached that point when my pajamas and my home clothes are interchangeable, and they're the only thing I wear. I see no point in changing that.

I already noticed that last night, while fixing the aspect ratio of a figure, I messed up its scale. And at some point I said "let's prove this part of the theorem first" and then forgot that I wasn't going to prove the second part.

Send me gifs to keep me awake or something? Caffeine levels are desperately low and I'm barely halfway through. D=

After a week I finally got an answer from my thesis advisor. More or less he said, "okay, carry on with what you've been doing". What I've been doing is flailing around because I have no guidelines. I tried asking if I should add figures or examples or anything concrete, but nothing. FFS IS IT SO HARD TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO??

Also I still have one exam left.

Also I'm stressed.

Also FML.

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I can't even be happy that Glee is on tonight because it means time is passing. Likewise with Game of Thrones airing in five weeks. I can't count down to April 17 when I have to count down to the deadline for my thesis or my last exam.
Me and my sister also talked my brother into watching Glee. I'm not sure it worked since he was also playing a game while watching the Pilot. But it's kind of therapeutic for me. I can turn off my brain and don't even have to worry about the plot.
Last night I watched some more Misfits. Got up to the part when Simon is a BAMF.
...♥

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Okay, I calmed down and have a battle plan. For now I'm gonna study some more cryptography. I read 50 pages this morning and have "just" 500 more. Then this afternoon I'm going to blatantly copy some formulas from the reference book and try to crank out the next chapter as quickly as possible. If everything I do is "okay" regardless of the effort I put into it, there's no point agonizing over every single paragraph. I'll have time later to fix whatever sucks.

So... my thesis advisor said that what I've written so far is okay. As I said last time, either I'm more brilliant than I thought or he doesn't really care about what I write as long as I do write something. I'll have to juggle my thesis and the remaining three exams though, so starting from next week I need to go back to super-depressing super-study mode. Woe is me.

Also my parents randomly brought up that there's some kind of doctorate in some university in Austria that's on the same subject as my thesis. I asked them what was the point of telling me since I won't get my master's degree for the next two years anyway but didn't get a decent answer. Didn't have the guts to tell them I don't even want to get a master's degree, let alone a doctorate.

Now let me whine a bit: pleeease, go vote on camelot_fics! D=
My fic is once again tied for 3rd place which means I can't break the tie myself and IDK what to do so please please please I need more votes.
Also I've got this Glee fic for gleesecretsanta that's 3 days late already and I can't get anyone willing to beta it. Is anyone willing to at least check it for random bouts of OOCness that might have crept in?
If I sound desperate don't worry, I am desperate.
BBCAKES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. ♥

Now I'd really, really like to tell you once again how much I love Hawaii Five-0, and by Hawaii Five-0 I mean the team, and by the way I found some hilarious fics, but I'm busy. I need to write porn for a certain someone.

The house thing is still going through. Yesterday we went to see it and it's... well... it's okay I suppose. Honestly, the family who lives there now keeps the place awfully, there's dog droppings in the courtyard and the steps of the stairs are all chipped and there's the world's biggest spiderweb in the cellar. But mum's already planning a list of everything that needs to be fixed and my uncle says it can be done. He's going to help my parents with the contract and all.
I think the place would be nice too, once it's fixed up. It's a very old house and I love that. I've always wanted to live in a place that had an upstairs and a downstairs, don't ask why. Plus my parents really want their own place. I just don't want to think about how long it'll take to make the house inhabitable.
Plus I really don't feel like moving again. I say again though it's been 10 years already, but I remember last time we moved it was between December 1999 and January 2000 and we had New Year's Eve with cardboard boxes in the living room. Eurgh.

Writing my fic for merry_merthur. I kind of regret signing up for this one because the minimum wordcount is 2,000 words and the prompts I got are all out of my comfort zone and I'm worried that it might come out forced.
At least I'm taking advantage of the fact that my thesis advisor hasn't replied to my mail yet so I have nothing better to do. Though I think next week I might have to start studying for January's exams. I just wish I knew which exams are in January and which in February. Oh well. When in doubt, write fic.
I just wish I wasn't so easily distracted by tvtropes.
Halfway through. Come on, me, the second half is the fun one. For a given value of fun.

Also I'm in dire need of new songs for my playlist, I'm in that depressing phase in which I play the same 5 songs over and over again and all the others sound just boring.

Long, long day. Due to a malfunctioning ticket machine and a very rude member of staff, I'm now about to personally test the efficiency of the trains' complaint forms. Frankly I'm not expecting much, or anything at all, but I really needed some way to vent or I'd have gone postal on the man. I really didn't need that in my day. Anyway.

I FINALLY HAVE A SUBJECT FOR MY THESIS! I also have a professor who will follow my work, but I have no idea of what to call him in English. Meep.
For those who might be interested, it's about numerical methods for approximating multi-dimensional integrals. And it's a mouthful but it's really much easier than it sounds, I'm going to read a couple of books on the subject, summarize the main existing methods and then write a program to implement one or more of them. Meaning that yes, I went the applied maths way. Blasphemy, but pure mathematicians don't do well in the real world and I have no intention of staying in academia.

It didn't even take me much to decide on a subject, the professor I had an appointment with asked me if I already had something in mind and we went over everything covered during his course. I told him integrals and he said "you could study these methods a bit more in depth, maybe since the course was just about one-dimensional integrals study the methods for more dimensions?" and I said okay and I'm going back next week to get more info and books to read.

Since I was in the building already I tried to see the other professor whose exam I need to take this month or the next, but he wasn't around. And he still hasn't replied to my mails. I later learned that he's got a story of going MIA. Derp derp.
Classmate of mine who lives closer to uni will try to get a hold of him tomorrow morning when he's got classes.

And. In more exciting news. I had tea with Paola after this whole ordeal and it came out that she's planning to go to London for a month after graduation too! My plan was to stay for the 4-5 months between graduation and the start of autumn semester (May to September), get a temp job and all, and it'd be great to go together with the group of April graduates. Now that's some good motivation for me to get all exams and thesis done in time.