renrenren3 | Entries tagged with must fight emo urges

T H E T H A N K S G I V I N G M E M E
M Y T H R E A D

It's showed up multiple times in my flist and I figured, yes, I could use some hugs right now. Real hugs preferred, but I could do with virtual hugs too. Anything really, today's just one of those days I feel depressed for no reason at all. ~~No, actually I know perfectly well the reason. And that's what scares me so much.~~ Anyway, I feel even more pathetic than usual, my mind is not a pretty place at the moment and I could do with some positiveness. How do you get past this feeling that my life sucks and it's going to suck from here until the day I die?

Since I got back into the ASOIAF fandom I decided to retrieve all my old fics from 2008-2009 and post them in my fanfic journal. And it's driving me mad. I'm now insanely happy that when I started writing fic fairly often I also started a fic journal and tagged everything. Because I used to just... post fics here and there, with no titles and no summaries and no coherence, and it's driving me mad. How did I even manage.

Anyway, I posted six fics today. I still have a document of 10,000 words with all the others. This is insane.

Also, ffff Vampire Diaries. It really got better around episode 5. ~~Too bad a character I liked had to die in the meantime, but still. Awesome ep.~~

Fucking Real Life

Okay, I'm stressed over this fucking exam. So. Fucking. Much.
There just isn't enough time. And I've tried but I can't concentrate, and I know why. I'm just sick and tired of studying and I don't care about physics and I just want out. London needs to happen. Or something. I need to go somewhere, have a change of pace some time soon, or I'll lose my mind.

---

The fucking huge fandom

The only thing keeping me sane lately has been tea and Glee. Seriously. (It kind of rhymes but that wasn't the point.) There are no words to describe just how much I love that show and its cliché-riddled cast. I can just turn off my brain and hum along when I know the songs. And I kind of watched 5 episodes today with my sister because I knew stuff would happen on 1x12, and then 1x13 was Sectionals and we just needed to finish, and we were supposed to watch two episodes on Merlin tonight but after the failboat that was 3x09 (though I liked the punch-to-the-arm scene) I didn't really want to watch 3x10 so switching back to Glee seemed like a good alternative and then 1x15 was the Madonna episode... So yeah.

We're officially marathoning it. Late to the party and everything, but I don't really care. I just think I'll stay clear of the fandom because I don't really care for unnecessary drama and I miiight just have some unpopular opinions about characters/ships. (I also want to adopt Brittany, but that's beside the point.)
And I have a new favourite song. Lately I change favourite songs a bit too often. I have the attention span of a deranged rabbit. Unless it's time to watch another episode of Glee. Honestly I think this show might just have brainwashed me into some kind of mindless minion but I don't really care.

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The small fandom that makes me happy

I've signed up for

yuletide and I've got a feeling nobody else is offering or requesting Locke Lamora. Which makes me sad, because, seriously. The author is cool too, personal problems aside, he's got a livejournal and pulled his main character's name from a Final Fantasy game and said he was okay with fanfiction as long as he didn't have to read any of it. And he's got the full prologue from his first book online here, I don't remember if it's the part about little Locke or the start of their highly entertaining con, but either way it's a good read.

There are conmen and witty remarks and badassness and female pirate captains. There's also much use of the word "fuck" and similar, but if you read my entries I suppose it doesn't bother you too much. Oh, and he tends to create characters and make you love them and then kill them off brutally. But apart from this, the books are cool. So, uhm. Read them? Please?

Yesterday I found out that my professor, the one I'd been trying to contact unsuccessfully for a week, was totally fine with letting me and my friend take his exam in the date I suggested. Just a tiny problem: the date is November 16th and now I'm stuck with less than one week to prepare this exam instead of two. And I'm really hoping this course is as easy as it seems because otherwise I'm screwed.
Also hoping people will be quick to reply to my Facebook plea asking for questions asked during past exams, because again, I thought I'd have more time for this.

And just as I got another negative answer from somebody who hasn't got those questions on hand right now, I got a call from my cousin. She wants help with maths and possibly needs to ask me something about English too. WHY CAN'T I CLONE MYSELF SO MAYBE I'LL HAVE TIME TO DO EVERYTHING AND STILL SLEEP AND EAT.
I'm kicking myself for this but I told her sure, just wait until after my exam. Which totally doesn't help because I think there will be another exam right after this one so it's not as if my schedule will ever clear up before April.

Then I'll really need to run off to London before I explode.

I'm sorry everyone if I don't keep up with your entries, I'm not used to having so many people on my flist updating daily, plus it's a really crappy moment so yeah. I'm usually better with commenting. :/

Long, long day. Due to a malfunctioning ticket machine and a very rude member of staff, I'm now about to personally test the efficiency of the trains' complaint forms. Frankly I'm not expecting much, or anything at all, but I really needed some way to vent or I'd have gone postal on the man. I really didn't need that in my day. Anyway.

I FINALLY HAVE A SUBJECT FOR MY THESIS! ~~I also have a professor who will follow my work, but I have no idea of what to call him in English. Meep.~~
For those who might be interested, it's about numerical methods for approximating multi-dimensional integrals. And it's a mouthful but it's really much easier than it sounds, I'm going to read a couple of books on the subject, summarize the main existing methods and then write a program to implement one or more of them. Meaning that yes, I went the applied maths way. Blasphemy, but pure mathematicians don't do well in the real world and I have no intention of staying in academia.

It didn't even take me much to decide on a subject, the professor I had an appointment with asked me if I already had something in mind and we went over everything covered during his course. I told him integrals and he said "you could study these methods a bit more in depth, maybe since the course was just about one-dimensional integrals study the methods for more dimensions?" and I said okay and I'm going back next week to get more info and books to read.

Since I was in the building already I tried to see the other professor whose exam I need to take this month or the next, but he wasn't around. And he still hasn't replied to my mails. I later learned that he's got a story of going MIA. Derp derp.
Classmate of mine who lives closer to uni will try to get a hold of him tomorrow morning when he's got classes.

And. In more exciting news. I had tea with Paola after this whole ordeal and it came out that she's planning to go to London for a month after graduation too! My plan was to stay for the 4-5 months between graduation and the start of autumn semester (May to September), get a temp job and all, and it'd be great to go together with the group of April graduates. Now that's some good motivation for me to get all exams and thesis done in time.

FIRST OF ALL WELCOME EVERYONE FROM THE ~~CRAZY~~

merlin_land_ot FRIENDING MEME! I'm totally friending everyone I wasn't already friends with because it was the greatest thing ever.

And speaking of memes, since I was talking about this with Jen earlier:

1. Make a list of 15 characters.
2. SHOW THAT LIST TO SOMEONE AND YOU DIE.
3. Let the people of your FList comment one (1) number and one song they've chosen.
4. WITHOUT SHOWING YOUR LIST, write something about the character, using the song to inspire yourself.
5. You done? Good. Now you can go and show which character or couple it was.
6. It's a meme with a twist!!

Yeees, it's the one I've already posted before but since I only got one reply (#13) and I've friended like 12 new people since then I figured it might be worth a shot to try and get your interest again. The fandoms are Merlin, Doctor Who, Torchwood, SPN, The Big Bang Theory, Inception, ASOIAF, Temeraire, Locke Lamora. And also Castle which I totally forgot about.
~~HIZA I SWEAR YOUR FICLET IS COMING! Kinda sorta.~~

#14 is still open! Not that you probably know that character anyway. :|

( List! )

ALSO EVERYONE SHOULD JOIN

sherlockmas BECAUSE I SAY SO AND BECAUSE I'M ENTERING TOO MANY EXCHANGES AND I NEED SOME COMPANY IN MY DESCENT INTO MADNESS.

And no, I still haven't watched Merlin, though I did watch SPN but I keep forgetting to post about it because I find the vampire plot kinda boring. Also watched Children of Earth today. Russel T. Davies owes me three hours of my life back. And I'm just 4 episodes away from finishing Doctor Who S5, what am I going to do after? D:

Oh, I see it's midnight right now. Here, have a totally useless manip:

Yesterday sucked beyond expectations. I got a mail at 11am telling me I had to be in my professor's office at 4pm to register my vote, so there went my afternoon. I had to move my student's lesson one hour earlier (it's weird to call him my student, he's more like my constant nuisance whose attention span is shorter than mine) but at least we're doing derivatives now so there's not much to explain, I just have to check that he's not making any mistakes in his exercises.

So at 3pm I hopped on the train, walked to the physics department, got lost in the physics department, found the office (on the 2nd floor, first door in the corridor, too bad I'd walked up to the far end by mistake and had to walk back), found a message taped to the office door saying "I'm in A107", walked down to ground floor to room A109 by mistake so I had to double back to A107... By the way, obviously A109 is on the far end of the corridor while A107 is right next to the entrance. I walked for about 20 minutes just to find my professor in the room next to the door I'd come in from. I was completely out of breath by then. His (nicer) colleague seemed worried I might collapse. And from the look on his face, I totally didn't need to come back and could have registered the vote last week. :/

Anyway, after this colossal waste of time I got home. I'd contacted about ten people to ask if they were interested in asking for an exam in November, and all the answers I got were negative. I asked anyway, figuring I've got nothing to lose, but until I get a reply I don't know what to study.

I also got a faculty-wide mail about doing a year-long internship in Japan that sounds awesome, but I don't think I have the qualifications. My grades are decent but not stellar and they only take about 3% of all applicants. I don't even have any English certification. (I kind of see my mum's point about them now, though I still think FCE is too low-level.) I still wish to look up who's in charge of applications for this internship and ask for more info, if only because my parents would go spare if I sent in an application.

And, to conclude, my brother broke my favourite mug. I probably shouldn't whine so much about it, but it was my mug and it had a cute cats pattern and I liked it. :(

First things first, this is so much relevant to my interests, it's ridiculous. My sister now hates me because I keep singing along to Lady Gaga, but it's okay. Even she had to admit that it was an awesome video.

Speaking of awesome, you know what's awesome? Castle. And by Castle I mean Beckett, because seriously. I might have a sliiight crush on Beckett. Okay, huge crush. And new OTP. I love this series, I'm so glad I decided I needed a police procedural in my life. I'm watching a lot of new shows lately since I still can't find my muse.

And we're almost caught up with both Doctor Who and Torchwood, and it depresses me to no end. I think I'll write an epic Torchwood AU starting from 2x13, because my canon is better than their canon. And has a pterodactyl. And I'm delusional. And I think whenever I get around to watching Children of Earth it's going to kill me.

Anyway, it's Saturday so here's another week's worth of recs from

merlin_muses.

Serendipitous * Arthur/Merlin * PG-13 * 13,562 words
Loosely based on the movie Serendipity. If you've watched it, great! If you haven't, this fic is still adorable!
Arthur and Merlin meet for the first time just before Christmas in NYC. It's love at first sight (or almost), but Fate conspires to keep them apart. Will they be able to meet again before Arthur marries someone else? (Hint: the movie's a comedy so obviously there's a happy end.)
Leon is the best supporting character ever. Gwen is lovely and makes tea. And, in the end, it's all Morgana's fault.

Party of Four * Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen, slight Gwen/Morgana * NC-17 * 2,252 words
Proof can I can recommend things other than Arthur/Merlin. If there were more fics like this one, I think I'd be a much bigger Merlin/Morgana shipper. I didn't even mind the Arthur/Gwen bits, because it fit with the story. This is mostly PWP but their characters are just perfect.
Modern AU, starts with a drinking game. There's smut, some femslash, exhibitionism, and Arthur dares Morgana to masturbate in front of the others,. If I haven't squicked you away yet, this fic deserves a read.

All Things Are Ours * Arthur/Merlin * PG-13 * 24,436 words
Modern AU set in Carmarthen, which according to the legends was Merlin's birthplace. Arthur is Merlin's hot new boss, Merlin sometimes insults him in Welsh but Arthur doesn't understand, and they gaze longingly at each other for the best part of the fic before finally getting together.
It's probably better than my summary makes it sound and there are a lot of other secondary characters around, though they're sadly underdeveloped. There are some points where this fic is very much tell, don't show.

It's not a good time for fic. Must be this gloomy autumn weather getting to me, but I just can't find good reads this week. Voting is up again at

thegameison_sh and there are some stellar entries, but the vast majority of them are so dull. The theme was dark fics and it went just as I was afraid it would. A bunch of entries just take a character and give us the surprise twist that he/she has been a serial killer all along. Or he/she snaps and tortures someone. And in 90% of the cases it's wildly OOC, and it's why I don't read dark fic usually. Don't get me wrong, Sturgeon's Law and all, there's a couple of awesome fics in there, but urgh. I still have to muster the willpower to slog through the last dozen or so.

As for writing, meh. The meme went largely neglected, I got one awesome song for one awesome character (thanks

hiza_chan!) but it's for one of those fandoms with 10 fics the last of which was posted in 2008. So I'd feel bad if I just wrote a drabble and I'm going for something longer, and it'll take time. And most of my plot bunnies aren't bunnies, they're just monsters waiting to take over my life. And they're too many, I wouldn't even know which one to pick.

So I'm just sitting around and wasting time without writing anything. And occasionally I study Physics. Exam's Friday and my goal is scraping a pass. Every time I go through my notes I have new insights and stuff starts to make sense. It's depressing to think that maybe if I'd had good professors I'd have understood all of this months ago and maybe I'd like the subject. But I hadn't, and I don't. Physics sucks. I can't wait to put this behind me and go back to good old maths.

No more memeage. Sadness. Now I have to start thinking of what to post again. Man, this is hard. I don't even have new episodes to talk about... I did watch Togainu no Chi, not too brilliant so far but I'm giving it one more episode to impress me. Bakuman's still the best show of the season so far. Also finally finished Maid-sama: not too bad, all just as planned. I hate Hinata thought, the two idiot protagonists have enough problems getting together without him getting in the way too.

What else? Urgh, I don't know, I want to write something but I have no idea what. The commeentfic fest is great, but I kind of want to take a break from all things Merlin for a while. Especially since I decided to go ahead with that idea for a Merlin challenge fic comm, I just need to sort out all the boring organization details and recruit a couple more mods. It's gonna be brilliant.

But yeah, I could do with a breather before that. Only I don't really know what to write, I'm not into any other communities for other fandoms and all my plot bunnies are Merlin-related. ~~Well, apart from that SPN RPF prompt, but that's more like an outline for a big bang challenge than a bunny.~~ IDK WHAT TO WRITE! ALSO IDK WHAT TO WATCH. TV shows, not anime, I have too much anime on my watchlist already. But I don't feel like watching anime. So yeah... It's one of those days.

F-list, know that this is where I'll spend the rest of my day.
I hate you :|

I also want you to click this now.

the TV TROPES meme

( Day 25 & Day 26 of the meme here. )

Now excuse me, I have to Trope-ify myself.

I'm still terribly emo over the impending end of the FMA anime. The graphics in the OP make it quite clear that Roy is somehow doomed... plus if you add to that the fact that he's voiced by Miki Shinichiro... there's no hope. No hope at all...

Earlier today I watched The Princess Bride, and I just finished episode 10 of BakaTest. And this still isn't enough to cheer me up. Urgh, self, get a grip on yourself! And hope for the best. Like my sister said, I don't want to discontinue another series.

~~Roooy!~~

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Ren

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Page Summary

(no subject)
My OCD is killing me
Smile and wave!
Where has all my free time gone and why can't I unwind D:
Boring entry about real life, sorry :(
Stuff.
Behold my sucky life
merlin_muses recs, part the second
Whine whine rant
I think we have an emergency
TvTropes has already ruined my life
Do Not Want

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Page generated Jul. 11th, 2025 04:40 pm

LOVE IS POISON

Entries tagged with must fight emo urges

(no subject)

My OCD is killing me

Smile and wave!

Where has all my free time gone and why can't I unwind D:

Boring entry about real life, sorry :(

Stuff.

Behold my sucky life

merlin_muses recs, part the second

Whine whine rant

I think we have an emergency

TvTropes has already ruined my life

Do Not Want